Confessions of a Diary Lover: Straight from Heart

Why do I have this obsessive overprotective feelings for all of my diaries, regardless of their expiry? No matter which year’s diary is it, I just don’t get over my feelings for it.

When my cousins come home without bringing any notebooks but wanting to take notes; and take away from the book shelf, any of my old diaries (of course without asking me) with a few unwritten blank pages, it irritates me.

I see them roaming around with my diary in their hands, and I get annoyed. I ask to myself, who the hell gave them the permission to use my diary, and I suspect my mom (but it is not her, it is my smart cousins themselves)

Being an oversensitive person myself, I find it difficult to open up my mouth and tell them they cannot use my diary, lest the fear that they be offended

They lazily scribble in my diary, in the name of studying, and though I try to ignore it, sometimes I just cannot help it; so I give them new books and get back my old diary. They ask me, “Do you love this diary so much?” I tell, “Yes, I am attached to all of my diaries”, to which they laugh and go.

It is not that I am a daily diary writer who keep updates or records of important events. Rather I hardly ever record day to day updates; so it is not the fear of missing out important details.

The moment I get a diary, I look at it with so much hope and affection as some newlyweds would look at each other, telling through eyes, that they are excited to spend the rest of their lives with each other. It is that I just love my diaries – old or new, used or unused, they are mine and nobody is supposed to touch them.

I don’t talk to them regularly about each and every single details of my day, but I run to them first when I have a thought that I feel too important to let go off, or a feeling that I hesitate to tell people.

When I want to organize my speech, I write down my thoughts in my diary, and rewrite them until they are perfectly put together. Now, which human do you think would stand all these bothers? Humans hardly listen to you, even in your first attempt; and even if they do listen, they have a hard time understanding you. But diaries are not so. They endure all your silly attempts with patience, and understand you without judging. Yeah, and that is why, you feel so relaxed when you open up your mind to a diary.

I carry my current diary wherever I go, and keep safe my old ones in my shelf. I have separate diaries for planning my days, taking notes, for planned creative writing and for unplanned outbursts. Obviously I do not choose each one for each purpose every time, but as a whole, they are my babies who know my secrets, ideas and plans. A mother cannot discriminate among her babies, how much ever old they get; same is the case with me.

I love all of my diaries, as they are my true companions who had witnessed the beautiful moments as well as the bitter times of my life. My diaries, my loves.